tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8112566410387491537.post7579428916895367010..comments2023-06-29T06:19:46.900-07:00Comments on Family Ties: Holocaust Lessons, Nieto 114, and AdoptionSusan P.http://www.blogger.com/profile/00349497879874393200noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8112566410387491537.post-26358309078635590282014-08-11T16:01:03.705-07:002014-08-11T16:01:03.705-07:00Thanks, adoptomuss, for this comment. I am reading...Thanks, adoptomuss, for this comment. I am reading "The Primal Wound" by Nancy Newton Verrier for the first time. It is my mom's copy and she has marked many passages. Just before reading your comment I came upon this one, underlined and double-starred: "The taboo against talking about adoption as being different from a 'natural' family is very strong, not only within the families themselves, but in society as a whole. For instance, there were people who, when hearing about my research, wondered why I wanted to 'rock the boat' or 'upset the status quo' by introducing such controversial ideas as infants being able to differentiate between their birthmothers and their adoptive mothers. I find it revealing that none of those who objected was an adoptee. ... To those who asked me, when they heard of my study, 'Why would the separation from the birthmother affect a newborn baby?', I had to admit that I, at one time, asked the same question myself. Now, however, I believe the more appropriate question to be, 'How could the separation from the mother to whom he was connected for nine months NOT affect the infant?"<br /><br />My mom's personal story can perhaps convince more adoptive parents to become involved in the fight for adoptee rights. My mom, like you, was dedicated to her parents and took care of her mother until her mother's death at age 87. She loved her parents fiercely, in fact, and that love only deepened once she found out more about her biological family. I know this is not the case for all adoptees, but it was the case for my mom. I wish my grandmother had been able to meet my mom's sisters. I wish she had never gone along with the system, either. But I believe that she was just a product of the culture. With the right guidance, she would have come around. She was a good and loving person, and she loved and wanted the best for my mom. This is why it drives me crazy when adoption agencies (including the one my mom was adopted from) don't support adult adoptees right to their birth certificates. How could they? And what are they telling adoptive parents? They should know better. Again, thank you for the comment. RunningTeacherMamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00824325376493562025noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8112566410387491537.post-24462932634626975092014-08-10T20:37:50.864-07:002014-08-10T20:37:50.864-07:00My adoptive mother lives with us. She's almos...My adoptive mother lives with us. She's almost 85. I asked her, tonight how she could go along with the system that denied me any knowledge of my family. I told her that my grandmother died in 1994, and i was never allowed to know her. I wansn't allowed to know who my own parents were. I asked her why I was treated differently than most people. I asked why family wasn't supposed to be improtant to me. I told her that so many people went along with this, my parents, the social workers, the adoption agency and her and my adoptive father. <br /><br />She had no answer to the question, "How could you do that to a child?". She had no answer to the question, "How would you feel if you were not allowed to know who your mother was?". <br /><br />adoptomussnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8112566410387491537.post-83033742227449624712014-08-08T19:56:54.218-07:002014-08-08T19:56:54.218-07:00So very interesting. It always amazes me that ever...So very interesting. It always amazes me that everyone is encouraged to and even celebrated for seeking out his/her heritage UNLESS that person happens to be adopted. In that case, pretend it doesn't matter. As a Spanish teacher I can tell you that every single textbook has at least some lesson on the importance of one's 'raices,' or roots. I for one love finally knowing more about my heritage, and it doesn't take anything away from the deep love I have for my grandparents, the parents who raised my mom so beautifully. Thanks for the comment Pete. -JennRunningTeacherMamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00824325376493562025noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8112566410387491537.post-60390346139719270042014-08-08T11:20:25.003-07:002014-08-08T11:20:25.003-07:00Thanks Jenn!! My birth father's family connec...Thanks Jenn!! My birth father's family connected with me through 23andMe. I confirmed my Jewish heritage (I was raised Christian, sorta) and my new found cousin was appalled that my father let his children go after our people endured the holocaust. Maybe a bit dramatic but I love the passion for one's roots. Pete F.Peter Franklinhttp://adopteeswithoutliberty.comnoreply@blogger.com