What I Would Like Adoptive Parents to Know ...

Today I have a guest post published over at Death by Great Wall, a blog written by Dana, an adoptive mother.  Dana is running a series on her blog aimed at helping adoptive parents to better understand how it feels to grow up adopted.  She has asked several adoptees if they would be willing to share a personal story and end it with the statement "What I would like adoptive parents to know ... ."  I was happy to participate, as my goal in writing about adoption is to offer compassionate education to all affected parties from my own experience as a mature adoptee and activist for adoption reform.  I'll try to hook you with my lead here and encourage you to finish the story at Death by Great Wall!




I was a 52-year-old adult at the time, but as an adoptee, my hands were shaking and my heart was pounding as I picked up the phone to return a call from the woman who had given birth to me. Several weeks before, I had sent her a compassionate and carefully-worded letter by certified mail, expressing my openness to exchanging information with her, and accompanied by a brief, easy-to-understand medical questionnaire that my daughter, a physician, had prepared.

My original mother had already returned the questionnaire along with a brief, rather terse note -- "Please do not try to contact me again. I've thought about you often and in my heart I love you, but I have no desire to meet." I already knew from my agency's "non-identifying" information that my original mother had another daughter -- five years old -- when I was relinquished. Her note to me also added, "My daughter does not know about you. Please don't cause problems." ...

You can continue reading this story here.